My Deprogramming Spell Led to This...

We've all heard of Shadow Work. Not the journal prompts we use to begin a deeper psychological evolution but the Jungian journey to crack open the truths of a subconscious awakening.

I would listen and watch other witches talk about where Shadow Work has led them but I wasn't prepared for where mine would land.

Shadow Work Awakens Trauma & the Paranormal

In fact I think it was a reaction to a spell I crafted. One that I created and even shared that has now proven to me those were the right words infused. My soul caved to a grand rupture.

It was sudden and subliminal. Hidden in the finite actions that fed a shadow I was so accustomed to. That now has been exposed as a truth that has been haunting me for years. According to Witch of Wanderlust on YouTube, sometimes repressed work opens and you may need additional help from a therapist. Which I desperately sought once my can of worms exploded crimson fireworks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKwvBl4KPLY

And that's one of the warnings that doesn't come with journal prompts. When you begin to dig deeper into your self programming you become untethered to the ideologies that were ingrained by acknowledging the response in which your body created in order to protect itself.

I used to think my life was boring and nothing happened. Yet finding myself made me realize that everything happened. And that things that I remember experiencing, especially the paranormal wasn't quite so paranormal. Or at least not in the way I experienced it or remember.

Paranormal As in Following Entities

For example: ever felt an energy that was haunting you? Maybe following you? The truth is that entity may point to trauma.

And the concept of Saytan? Let's just say I have been finding a correlation between which paranormal experiences one encounters absolutely reflects distress and areas in one's life that have dangerous implications. Maybe even mirrors a form of trauma/abuse.

For me there was always a hidden figure in my dreams. One that I was running away from and couldn't ever see. Little did I know that my body was protecting me and that both my soul and brain put in the work to keep me from what truth awaited me. It's scary when you're bombarded everyday with a different story, different vision, and elements of reactions to others based on what happened in the past. Most triggers, especially fears give way to parental damage that was left gaping from your younger years. Sometimes even events from when the concept of memory first forms in a child comes crashing down.

Spirituality Has Kept Me Guessing

Repressed memories are no joke. They're sudden, dismantling, and can plant you back on your ass if you don't take care of yourself. To this day I am still discovering, re-discovering and overall just figuring out how to work with myself better each day. If I knew and faced the horrors of what this truth was, I don't think I would have survived or even lasted in my twenties for this would have truly attacked my self-esteem.

The body and brain protect in order to remember. Sometimes allowing the conscious to awaken when it is ripe and ready. Especially when you finally feel safe.

For me I wasn't ready until I was safe enough to be sorry for what the truth brought and made me see. Something that I was blind enough and could not agree with.

It feels like this new chapter is an insurrection and one I find is a fight for when you want to give up, give in to fear, pain, and memories that seem to never leave. But I ooze and usher into my newfound openness. Because I seek to release and this pain needs to find its peace.

Your Moon Sign Points to Trauma

They say most of your trauma and eternal struggle reside in your moon sign in Astrology. Since mine is in Scorpio in the 4th House maybe it's not too hard to see just what this explicit, grotesque, manipulative damage is forcing me to understand.

Because for many it seemed to be a secret known. Yet denied because my memory couldn't correlate, corroborate with the evidence presented to me. Yet I find in the night, my presence, and education drives the truth right out of me. And maybe one day even if these ideas turn to be corrupted figments of the imagination, it's a growth that it is rehabbing old programming for a lifetime.

I've recently gone back to therapy since and I'm finding a flow. I'm turning into someone new. Someone free. And that the 4th House Represents The Emperor arcana. The House itself speaks of the House and Family relations. Where you grew up. Which makes complete sense. I was suppressed and often confused in ways of thinking and being just because of false, negative representations and controlling behaviors.

Normally when I feel pain I write it out of memory. But now it's in reverse and the repressed is coming so I can finally comprehend that it wasn't my fault as a minor in a delusional, self-sabotaging genealogy.

In other words, the truth in all of my functionality.

And trust me. Feeling it makes me want to scream.

You can't forcefully stop the chaos when you're meant to acknowledge

pain and learn from it. It's always when you're leaning into spirituality, uncovering essential pieces of the self that Boaz and Jachin start leaning inward. Creating a complicated snap. A seismic warning in order to touch upon your own god source so you take this dive into where most of the pain collected and makes you who you are.

Definitely not a trip for the faint. While down there I had thoughts of fire.

In moments like these I vowed to ensnare the world in a trap, leading them to a mirror, and see all the fucked up shit they did or didn't see. Just so they could commiserate with me. Feel the break in the heart and just watch it overflow, blood gushing at high power, top speed. Make it the priority.

Because nothing is as it ever seems.

Because I feel different, am different and have nothing to fear or left to lose. I will not sit and disintegrate into a lonely, piece of shit that always shouted about what they could be yet never seemed to make it come true.

The whole point of the journey is to make a promise to yourself that I'm going to do everything I want to be. No matter what it looks like to another person. Because guess what? I'm a multi-talented, faceted, artistic, sensual (hard for me to understand) human being who can make the world turn or rot with a snap of a finger.

Cigarette Smoke is Fading

This cigarette smoke is clearing and I'm gaining momentum. The flow and working with my highs and lows are about learning to transmute energies into dual functionality. Even personality. I have so much to offer and though this is a journey and the fact these memories are not done doesn't take away that I am still free. And sometimes that's hard to remember but I'm reminded by signs and others that it doesn't define me.

Because I've proven so much already and now it's time to march on with this other missing puzzle piece. At least this is the journey I'm continuing on for myself.

With that being said, have you been unlocking personal trauma lately?

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